Mommy guilt

When I became a mother for the first time in 2002, I had this ideal of what my life would be like.  Most has come true, 5 amazing kids, a husband turned daddy that has been not only my partner, but often a support beam holding me up when post-partum depression held me down.  A family that is just minutes away and just a phone call away. And friends that love and care me like family. 

But what I didn't expect was the mommy guilt. Guilt that I don't give each child enough one on one time, that I don't listen enough, or snuggle enough.  Can I even love them more than I do now?

What triggered the guilt today? A cookie...  Zach asked me to open his cookie so he could lick the cream out. (He never eats the cookie part) 
I thought to myself how sweet he is and how in just a few short years, he'll be in school and I'll be alone at home.  Which led to me to think of my older 4 who are in school already and how much I miss them.  Then it hit me, like the wind was knocked out of me, the mommy guilt. Guilt because I know as soon as they get home, there will be yelling, fighting and crying.  And no matter how hard I try to prepare, it happens EVERY afternoon and I can't fix it.  I know they are tired and hungry, so I offer snacks and quiet time. But it's never enough.  Coats and backpacks are just thrown on the floor instead of being hung up.  All 4 want to tell me at the same time about their day. If I try to hush them and have them talk one at a time, feelings get hurt and I'm told "you just don't care Momma". 

Sometimes I wish I could split into 5 Serra's so each kid could have just the right mom they need.  But I can't, so I'll have to just keep trying every day to do the best I can. And remember every moment, good or bad.  This guilt will probably never go away, because the kids are going to get older and their needs are going to change. 

I'm sharing this because I know other moms that have mommy guilt. And I want them to know they are not alone. God has prepared us for this job.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

       ~Serra

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