I volunteer as much as I can outside the home, at the kid's school, at church, or with my Mops group. But it still doesn't feel like I'm getting what I need. Do I sound selfish yet???
What I miss is working outside the home. It may sound crazy, but yes, I miss working. I miss talking with other adults, using my brain for something other than remembering when Zach's favorite cartoons will be on, how many loads of laundry I need to do, what kid has what activity after school... I want to use numbers and computer programs, have deadlines to meet, reports to write, etc... I miss bringing home a paycheck and helping lift the financial burden of my husband. We get by on one income, but sometimes it's so tight, I don't know how we'll manage. I lose sleep, so I'm cranky, which leads to crying or yelling. Which leads to tension and the cycle continues...
Recently a friend told me about some possible job openings at the local university. She helped me re-write my resume, I filled out an application, went to my evaluation and next week I'll go back to test to see if and where my talents fit best. I'm very excited about the possibilities, but I'm very afraid of what I'd lose.
I'd lose my mornings with my husband, who works second shift. I'd miss the opportunity to volunteer at the school. for my older kids. And most important, I'd miss all the one on one time I get with Zach. He is only 2 1/2, but I've learned to treasure every moment with my children. He'll be in school in just a few short years, so maybe I should wait. But can I handle a few more years of stress from pinching pennies??? I've been praying on this for quite a while, but I haven't come to a decision yet.
How do you decide what's more important? More money in the bank/ financial safety or more memories/ time you can never get back with your baby?
Ugh... Decisions, decisions...
Just look at this sweet face <3