Queen of Chaos

I've always loved writing. I was one of the weird students who enjoyed writing assignments.  I even received awards for my short stories.   I tried college and it wasn't my thing.  So please excuse any grammatical errors :)  Since having children, I've had ideas for books, written down my thoughts, but being a mother and a wife has kept me too busy for much more.  When blogs became popular, I wanted my to start my own, but didn't think many people would care about my life as a mom of 5 kids.  I did eventually start one, mainly to keep faraway family updated. Plus it gave me a small taste of what I had been missing.  If you notice my numbers, this is my 5th post in 2 years.  Surely you'd think running a large family would have lots of great stories to share, and it does. But getting time to myself is hard. Who would've thought, right???  So why am I starting this blog again? Because I can and I need something for me. I need to write...

When I became a mother for the first time in 2002, I had this ideal of what my life would be like.  Most has come true, 5 amazing kids, a husband turned daddy that has been not only my partner, but often a support beam holding me up when post-partum depression held me down.  A family that is just minutes away and just a phone call away. And friends that love and care me like family.  But what I didn't expect was the mommy guilt. Guilt that I don't give each child enough one on one time, that I don't listen enough, or snuggle enough.  Can I even love them more than I do now? What triggered the guilt today? A cookie...  Zach asked me to open his cookie so he could lick the cream out. (He never eats the cookie part)  I thought to myself how sweet he is and how in just a few short years, he'll be in school and I'll be alone at home.  Which led to me to think of my older 4 who are in school already and how much I miss them.  Then it hit ...